Some
people I know told me that my columns are all too stiff-necked and
serious. Well, when one talks about the law, as I do, one cannot help
but be serious. You know, one goes to jail when one breaks the law. But
talking about the lawyer, instead of the law, is another thing. So, I
borrowed some lawyer jokes which I think will lighten up this corner -
at least this once. And, hopefully, this will dispel suspicions that I
am made of stone, instead of flesh and bones.
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
*****
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?A: His lips are moving.
*****
Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
*****
Q:: Now then, Mrs. Pantino, how was your first marriage terminated?A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
*****
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
(Note: Your guess is as good as mine)
*****
Q: Mrs. Panti, do you believe you are emotionally stable?A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
*****
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went
to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. But his
lawyer told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all
that money." And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison,
he didn't have a centavo.
*****
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He
sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at
this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the
cost of these brains."How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Five hundred pesos per 10 grams."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"One thousand pesos per 10 grams."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"P10,000 per 10 grams."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get a gram of brain?"
*****
A lawyer friend of mine swears that this next one actually happened in the direct examination of a complainant for rape:Atty: Where were you raped?
(Witness points to a portion of her anatomy below the belt)
Atty: No, no, that is not what I mean. In what place or municipality was the rape committed?
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